- First of all, I know people care about us and they just want to be there, be helpful, and simpathyze with what we are going through. But, please, please, please, do not tell us you understand what we are feeling if you never had to go through cancer surgeries, treatments, etc. Believe me, YOU DO NOT KNOW what we are feeling!
- I respect all the religions, and I do not try to impose my believes on anyone. So, please, do not bring your religion to me. You can pray for me. And, please, do it! It means you care about me! And I would love to know you are doing it! But DO NOT tell me “God (does not matter which one!) does not give you more than you can handle” – so it means that if I can not handle this God is joking with me? And what about all the people who died from the same thing, it was God’s mistake? Ops, I am sorry, that is it???
- We need friends around to help us and to keep us from feeling alone. But must be the kind of friend that will not feel bad if we do not walk them to the door, or we just fall sleep – it is good to take a nap knowing a good friend is watching over us! Loneliness is a huge bad monster after us when we are sick.
- We need people who understand if we fall apart it is because this is freaking scary, painful, and our hormones are a big mess – we do not need anyone telling us things are going to be all right, because we know that! We just need a shoulder for a good cry!
- Light movies! Does not matter if it is a comedy, drama, romance, action, they need to be light with happy endings – watch out not to get movies where somebody has cancer: WE DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ANY OTHER CANCER! THE CANCER WE HAVE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW, for us! Also they need to be light because we probably will fall sleep, or could not concentrate (chemo brain!).
- Fun, light and entertaining books – but watch out, looks like taking our boobs out has a deep relation with our ability to concentrate in a long story (chemo brain again!)! Short story books are better.
- Cute little gifts. Cute comfortable socks, soft blanket, a soft light (not heavy) pillow so we can hug to sleep – the position is pretty uncomfortable.
- Our favorite smoothie, coffee, cake, sandwich, chocolate…. Treats! Treats! Treats! We do not need to eat healthy while in chemo, we just need to eat, what is really hard to do! So, if we ask you for junk food, give it to us!
- Really important is not to hear from anyone: “your cancer”. It is NOT our cancer, it is NOT my cancer! We did not buy it. We did not chose it! We did not put it there! It is an ALIEN that invaded our body!
- REALLY IMPORTANT: do not tell us about a tea, herbs, supplements, alternative medicine, graviola leaf tea, green tea6
She will be very tired and very sensitive to any smells so please don't wear cologne or cook any thing with strong odors. That was the hardest for me was the odors. Praying for you and your family!5
Always offer to make the tea an do odd job round the house- i was 11 at the time (12 now) and i got home from school and made her a cup of tea, do the dishwasher and keep bedroom tidy- its the little things that count( and the thought put behind them) :-) good luck3
Chemotherapy is different for everyone. Your mom will be tired among other things.1
With your help your mommy will get through this just love her and take care of her1
My mommy is doing good she has 4 more chemo's to go we experience the throwing up the moodness the depression .., the food not tasting like anything and most importantly the hair loss in the beginning it was hard but now she is doing great my mother is a strong women and she showed me alot thru out all this so to all the women who are fighting this or fought this you alll are wonderful women and I saw what it is on the otherside the family side and it's hard so I could only imagine what you ladys feel0
I hope all is getting better for your mom.0
All of the above are excellent suggestion. Remember to tell the person cooking your mother's meals, nothing spicy. Foods that she once loved, may taste very different. Can you believe, I loved chocolate and once I started treatment I could not stand it. Mother will be very tired so encourage her to do a little exercise each day. Massage is wonderful and now many cancer centers offer it while you are waiting for treatment. If you are old enough learn to give her a nice foot or back rub. You will feel good being part of the Treatment Team0
Reach out to your siblings and family for help. This is going to be a long process for both of you, so accept help when it is offered. My mom started chemo July 7th and we just finished treatment 3. I'm the oldest of 3, so I have to remember this is not just my responsibility. We are all working together to get through this.0
This is really good information. My mum's starts her first chemo on 30 Jan'12... We're frighten of the unknowns but am glad we found this place for info and encouragement.0
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